fight till the hurt stops

Like James Wolcott, whose brilliant analysis of the savaging of Cindy Sheehan is a must-read,  I've had a death  in the "family" of my Manhattan building -- in my case, in the family of our super, Ramon.

Ramon has been ill with cancer, this year: we've watched him grow skinny and lose his hair from chemo, worrying that we would lose him. He's seemed better lately, and we were a lttle shocked and scared when we saw crowds gathering in front of his entrance on Monday night. This is Washington Heights; it looked like half the neighborhood was gathered on our block, crossing themselves in front  of  makeshift shrine.

But it was no death watch, as we realized  Tuesday. It was an actual death - of Ramon's son-in-law, Pfc. Jose Ruiz.

Perhaps you saw the full-face photo on Newsday's front page, and the headline:     HE ONLY SAW HIS BABY ONCE. His wife, at tonight's memorial service, was clear about her husband's decency in his service.

"He was good to everyone," Ramon's daughter Alexa said to us Tuesday night, talking about  her husband's time in Mosul. "He said he didn't understand why good people could do such bad things,"  like kicking doors open in house-to-house searches. "He was a good man."  Her eyes started to stream. 

Pfc. Jose Ruiz called his mom in Brentwood last December to tell her that a "big, big present" was on its way.

When Juliana King answered her door a few minutes later, her 28-year-old son was standing there grinning.

"Here's your present," he said, wrapping her in a hug.

But that memory's sweetness was of little comfort yesterday. Ruiz was killed Monday when he was hit by small arms fire from a civilian vehicle while conducting a security operation in Mosul, Iraq, three weeks before he was to return home to begin a tour on a U.S. Army base in Tacoma, Wash. He is the fourth Brentwood High School graduate to fall as a soldier in combat since 2003.

Yesterday, Ruiz's adoptive father remembered Ruiz as disciplined and smart, but also selfless and loving.

"He was a sweet, sweet son," said Eduardo King, who raised Ruiz since he was 2 years old. "He was my partner."

Ruiz's wife, Alexa, 28, who lives in Manhattan, had already shipped their furniture to Washington State and had taken the couple's 9-month-old daughter, Liana - who met her father for the first and only time last Christmas - to stay with her parents in the Washington Heights section of the city until Ruiz came home.

"He didn't want me to be alone," she said in an interview yesterday, her voice cracking. "I was going to sign our lease and get our new keys on Monday."

Ruiz was instantly enamored of his daughter, said Eduardo King. "When he first met her, it was glory," he said. "He never let her go."

The couple met in 1997 while attending the New York Institute of Technology campus in Manhattan, and married a year later. Ruiz worked as a computer network engineer at the now-defunct online convenience store Kozmo.com in Manhattan before joining the military, his father said.

The Kings had hoped their son would abandon a lifelong yen to become a soldier after he got married. But the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, inspired him to serve his country, his father said, and Ruiz joined the Army in 2003.

More blood on Shrub's hands: plenty left over for every other politico who uses September 11 to  justify these deaths.

"I just talked to him!" Aleda said that Jose was scheduled to fly home soon, and see the daughter he had only met once. She'd  packed her bags to fly across the country:  her father, our Ramon, was well enough now.

But  Monday. Alexa said, "was the first time I ever saw my father cry." I pray this doesn't hurt his recovery.

Update: At tonight's (8/23) memorial service, José was remembered as a hero, including a scrapbook filled with military imagery and slogans like "A PATRIOT."  I swallowed hard, tears still in my throat from seeing the babyfaced corpse in full uniform. Despite myself, I thought of this, which I'd read just before, and I thought this is true:

But sometimes when political capital is low, really, really low, when your own worshipers begin thinking disloyal thoughts, you have to pull out all the stops. This is when you start trading in dead soldiers. Even National Public Radio noted how unusual it was that in his speech today in Salt Lake City, Bush invoked the dead. Here is what a desperate president said to his throng of future detractors:

We have lost 1,864 members of our Armed Forces in Operation Iraqi Freedom, and 223 in Operation Enduring Freedom. Each of these men and women left grieving families and loved ones back home. Each of these heroes left a legacy that will allow generations of their fellow Americans to enjoy the blessings of liberty. And each of these Americans have brought the hope of freedom to millions who have not known it. We owe them something. We will finish the task that they gave their lives for. We will honor their sacrifice by staying on the offensive against the terrorists, and building strong allies in Afghanistan and Iraq that will help us win and fight -- fight and win the war on terror.

Given such language, every dead soldier is a win.

And no holds have been barred making sure families are on board: now,  each grave has the marketing name of the operation engraved into the stone. Sometimes against the family's wishes:

The vast majority of military gravestones from other eras are inscribed with just the basic, required information: name, rank, military branch, date of death and, if applicable, the war and foreign country in which the person served. Families are supposed to have final approval over what goes on the tombstones. That hasn't always happened.

Nadia and Robert McCaffrey, whose son Patrick was killed in Iraq in June 2004, said "Operation Iraqi Freedom" ended up on his government-supplied headstone in Oceanside, Calif., without family approval.

"I was a little taken aback," Robert McCaffrey said, describing his reaction when he first saw the operation name on Patrick's tombstone. "They certainly didn't ask my wife; they didn't ask me." He said Patrick's widow told him she had not been asked either.

You don't introduce a new product in August, and you don't stop pushing the product just because its cost in demonstrated in ever more blood.

Thankfully, the Pentecostal preacher who led the memorial service didn't take us on a pseudoChristian "just war" rhetorid. He stuck to Jose. But I kept thinking that every memorial that says "Hero" makes it harder for many to confront the reality of this war's lies.

But right now, I'll give money for the baby's education,. Maybe Ill leave GI Rights Hotline cards at the street memorial. And tomorrow morning,  I'll take my iPod and listen to The Herd again - to the song I've invoked before, which enabled me to weep for Jose last week:

joined for the pay packet now my full metal jacket wont take one more hit.
i dont give two shits about all oil interests but depleted uranium just gave joe a fit,
captian kirk said fight till the hurt stops,
when all i can see lost lives and may shell shots.

starship troopers this is my  letter to dad
Transferred from Saigon to Baghdad, and now I'm dead....

Fight till the hurt stops, Ms. Sheehan.

Fsck journalistic objectivity.  I'll be next to Jim Wolcott  at the next vigil.

Comments

[Dianne]

Wow. Great/horrible post. That is, a well written and strong post about a horrible event. I can't think of anything to say to your Ramon except I'm sorry, which is inadequate. I was at a vigil last week. The hurting won't stop, but maybe fighting to stop others from feeling the same hurt will give the pain meaning.

[poputonian]

Followed the link over from Digby's. Moving post, and very well done. The more I think about it the more convinced I am that in addition to trying to lift support for his war, Bush was also making an explicit response to Cindy Sheehan ... trying to make her feel guilt for protesting her own son's death. He's that much of a coward.

[janinsanfran]

We have to help more young people understand that no promises a recruiter might make are worth putting themselves in harm's way to sustain vile lies. I would urge everyone to promote Leave my child alone!-- a site that helps parents opt out of the program that forces schools to give recruiters the children's contact information.

[Steve]

My heart goes out to Ramon and his family.